Status Update: From Nike Fun Runs!
*Allison ran from Los Angeles to San Diego and back in 57 minutes! You go girl!*
I know. Impressive right?! I posted this from my Nike App this morning because I ran 238 miles today, and if you didn’t run as far you should just kill yourself. God, it feels good to be so healthy.
Not that I’m ALL fitness all the time. Right now, I’m going to take a quick break to eat a handful of kale with almonds and a drizzle of olive oil. Here’s a picture. Look at it.
This was my Thanksgiving Dinner!
Really look. LOOK. AT. IT. Now post something like, “Wow, that looks so good.” You know it doesn’t, but it DOES show that I’m more disciplined than Ana in 50 shades of Grey. Am I right? I mean, it’s more picture than food! So if you didn’t eat this for breakfast you should sink into a spiral of self-hatred!
But that’s not all! I have multiple sides and you should see all of them on this public website. Like, I’m really spiritual. I do yoga every morning for 7-8 hours. It just really centers me but mostly it keeps me from being like you, a person who should kill themselves.
This is how I sit to watch TV! Just kidding. I’ve never watched TV.
This is a picture of me in workout clothes. It proves that I look cute in just about anything! I HAVE A LOT TO PROVE.
I have hobbies too! Like hiking! I’d rather just hike than do anything else. Sometimes I start hiking in the winter and I don’t stop until spring. They call it “reverse hibernation”. I invented it! It’s why I have less body fat than Michael Phelps.
Scientists are studying me to figure out how it’s possible to have a negative number as your fat! I don’t know the answer, I just know that if you have any body fat, you should cry for the rest of the afternoon, and consider killing yourself.
I’m going to do some crunches!
Not that I put any of this on my page for you! I’m just keeping track of my own progress, on a super public forum made to make you feel bad. It just really motivates me to hit “share” after I’m done working out. And sure, maybe, occasionally, garbage people like you might see it, accidentally, all over your news feed. But I think that’s practically a public service. Why would it bother you that I did 8000 squats after dinner? Honestly, it should motivate you to do squats yourself. And if it doesn’t, you should give up on love. YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY.
Did you know ice with a little salt on it is a great low calorie snack? I know that because I spend conservatively 18 hours a day looking up calories. It’s not in any way exhausting!
This is me on the beach. Don’t I look great? Amazing even? It’s because I never stop sucking in my abs. Not ever. NOT EVEN WHEN I’M SLEEPING.
My body is a wonderland!
Also, I never sleep. Don’t you understand? I never sleep. All work outs and no play make Allison a thin girl! Haha!
All workouts and no play make Allison and thin girl. A thin girl. A thin girl.
I want to say again. This is all for me and nobody else. I’m not trying to prove anything. Or make you feel BAD about yourself. I just want you to know that I work out all the time BECAUSE I’M SO HAPPY. You know the old saying! All workouts and no play make Allison a thin girl. I love being healthy! A thin girl. I am so happy. All workouts. If you don’t work out as much as me you should…and no play…feel bad! Because I’m….make Allison….REALLY, REALLY HEALTHY. A thin girl. All workouts and no play make Allison a thin girl. All workouts and now play make Allison a thin girl. All workouts and no play…..